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A Brief History of Bicycling with Pete and the SlowSpokes
I am here to say a few kind words about my OLD OLD buddy Pete. Ahhh where to begin? Well as I think back, though it seems like this man has been a pain in my backside forever, he has actually only been a pain in my backside for the last 10 years.
I first met Pete on the Anchor House charity bicycle ride back in 1998. If you know Pete, he has almost certainly hit you up for a pledge to support him on this ride. It is interesting to me that someone, who has admitted to me on many occasions that he was not very athletic, thought that he could ride a bicycle 500 miles in 7 days. What kind of delusional mindset does someone like that have? A masochist perhaps? Apparently, he was undaunted by the fact that he had no bicycling skills and no bicycle for that matter at the start. So he went out and bought a bicycle. Whether or not he has bicycling skills is something we are still trying to figure out.
Pete distinguished himself on his very first training ride. As about 50 people were about to leave the parking lot, Pete wanted to make an impression. He looked dashing in his new bike clothes and he was still sporting the balding head with pony-tail hippy-turned-computer-geek look. But it was not enough to draw much attention. All of a sudden this loud KA-BLAM lets loose. Everyone looks over at Pete standing astride his bicycle with big wide eyes! In fear of the punishment it was about to receive, his tire blew itself out before he even started to ride! Many would have considered this a bad omen and packed it in, but not our boy Pete. He persevered. Other bikers helped him change the tire and he was on his way. But over the course of the day he had a couple more flats and that is when I actually met him. I was driving the support van just to help someone like Pete who was broken down and needed help. I had to pick him up and transport him further up the route a couple of times so he wouldn’t be out there all by himself until 9:00 at night. He eventually finished the 50 miles but it was a struggle.
So Pete went on his first ride that started down in Henderson, NC. He did alright for the first few days but then inevitably disaster struck. No, Pete did not crash while riding and injure himself. He crashed while standing still and injured himself. As I understand it he was sitting on his bike, talking to some other riders, and leaning up against a sag vehicle. He went to start riding, lost his balance, and stuck his hand out to get his balance again. Unfortunately, Pete missed the vehicle, fell over, and separated his shoulder. I don’t think I had the pleasure of taking him to the hospital that day but I’m sure he was blaming the sag vehicle somehow. There was a lot of discussion the next day about “Did you hear about how uncoordinated that new rider is?”
But Pete rebounded and rode again the next year from Erie, PA. That year he was joined by Johnnie Britt, Julia Obetz, and my wife Jeanne. The next year I actually started to ride. He gradually accumulated a group of shall we say “speed-challenged riders” around him to ride with so he wouldn’t be lonely as he rode slowly over the hills. We became known for leaving early in the morning, usually around 5:30 am and we would go at our slow pace and take lots of breaks along the way (especially at ice cream stands that we came across). Everyone else would pass us at some point during the day. And then we would arrive at the hotel last. We became known as the Slow Guys. Well Slow Guys didn’t really have much of ring to it. Besides we had added a few women, like Marta and Krystal, and it really didn’t fit. We were trying to come up with a better name for the group.
I think it was 2003 when we rode from Somerset, PA was the year that we finally got our name. That year was also Andrew’s first year on the ride. Andrew started out with us a few mornings but he was much too fast to stay with us as the day wore on. The Trenton Times reporter that year wrote a story one day about a group of the fastest bicyclists on the ride. So the next day he figured he would ride with the slowest group on the ride. Sort of get both extremes. He was politely riding with us even though he could have gone much faster. Pete, Johnnie, and I were struggling to keep up. We all stopped at the top of a hill to rest. We talked for a while and just as we were getting on the bikes again Johnnie yells out “Stop!” We all though he hurt himself, like he pulled a hamstring or something. Unfortunately Pete had already clipped into his pedals but when he heard Johnnie yell he couldn’t get his feet out of the clips. I’ll give Pete credit, the man did the longest wheel stand I have ever seen done by someone who knew he was going to fall over at some point. As much as he tried to keep his balance and get his feet out of those pedals you could just see it wasn’t going to happen. Eventually, after about 10 seconds he did fall over towards the side of the road. But even worse for Pete was that I was right behind him. I managed to get one foot out but Pete was falling right in front of me. I had no where to go, so I did the only thing I could, I ran over his head before I fell into the ditch. It turns out Johnnie was not injured. He just wanted to take a group picture. Of course he ended up taking pictures of the whole accident as it happened! The reporter was laughing uncontrollably while Pete and I were untangling ourselves from each other and our bikes. Needless to say this whole event was featured in the Trenton Times story the next day. The article included such memorable quotes as “They ride through towns so slowly, they end up being allowed to vote in local elections” and “We really wonder if they should be allowed to operate bicycles on public roads at all.” And the topper was when the reporter asked Andrew what he thought of Pete, Johnnie, and I riding together, Andrew responded with, “Yeah, it kind of reminds me of the Three Stooges!” So…..the rest of the ride we were called the Three Stooges. A name even worse than Slow Guys!
Fortunately, shortly we got back, Krystal came
up with the name SlowSpokes. It had a bicycle reference in it, it
emphasized our slow pace, it wasn’t derogatory, it wasn’t gender
specific, it was perfect! Since then we have been known as the
SlowSpokes and the group has grown in size until now there are about 15
members, including Laurie, Erin, Diana, Nick, and Jessica
who are here today and others. Pete has created a whole website
dedicated to the SlowSpokes. It includes all our pictures and our creed
which Pete wrote:
The SlowsPokes Creed:
Now I know we are here today to honor Pete in turning this milestone 60th birthday but I feel I have to warn some of his friends (Yanni and Jamie) that will be coming on the ride this year for the first time to be very cautious when agreeing to go bicycling with Pete. Do not be lulled into believing that this man will be there for you after the first half hour. In fact we have put together a top ten list of reasons why you really need to think twice before going biking with Pete:
Top ten reasons you should think twice before going biking with Pete Harris:
10. He will offer to change your tire, and after screwing it all up, he’ll tell you to go find a mechanic to fix it. (He actually did this to one new rider.)
9. If he can’t get his feet out of the clips and falls over while biking, he will blame the person nearest to him when it happens in an email the next day. (Usually this person is Tom.)
8. He will send you 12 emails about when your next training ride is, what the route is, and what time you will be leaving down to the minute, then he will change everything halfway through the ride. (He is fondly known as Attila the Trainer for this.)
7. The only time he will ever call you on the phone, is when he wants to tell you that you are late for a ride and that you are a slacker.
6. He will get you lost if you are not paying attention, especially if he’s going downhill (especially if he’s with Johnnie).
5. If you get a flat tire, he will more than likely give you a punctured tube to try and fix it (and he will blame Tom for having flat tubes in his bag.)
4. If he’s riding good, he will leave you in the dust, he will drop you like a hot potato, and you’ll never see him for the rest of the day. (This has happened on more than one occasion.)
3. He will give you advice on how to ride safely, and then he will go around the next curve and violate everything he just told you to do.
2. Contrary to the laws of physics and gravity, Pete will go up hills fast and come down hills slow. (I don’t know why, just don’t get behind him on the way down.)
And the number 1 reason you should think twice before going bicycling with Pete Harris is:
1. The longer you ride with him, the more likely it is he will injure you.
Let me assure you, I have had first hand experience, at this last one. I myself have had several near-death experiences with Pete. He once forced me off a road into a ditch just because he thought a car was getting a little too close to the yellow line. But the most memorable and painful of these experiences was when Pete placed my bicycle on top of a hornet’s nest. We were hassling each other and when I came out of the restroom my bicycle was missing. I looked around and saw it parked in the woods about 100 ft away. Now even though he had himself been stung once while putting it there, he somehow failed to mention this to me as I went into the woods to retrieve it. Not realizing the danger I was in, I walked into the woods, picked up the bike, and must have stepped on the nest. All of a sudden I’m getting stung from every angle on my legs. Needless to say I was jumping around and moving much faster than a normal SlowSpoke moves. I think I got stung about 8 times. The sight of me moving fast delighted Pete. He could not stop laughing! Even as I was icing down the stings and being administered antihistamines by the nurse to prevent anaphylactic shock, he was re-enacting it for the other SlowSpokes who had missed it. I barely made it to the end of the ride. My legs were swollen for two weeks after the ride. I remind him of this every chance I get to try and make him feel guilty, but it never works.
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